i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
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I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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