We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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