lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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