I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
