How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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