he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
