I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
