i may or may not be watching the land before time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
