Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
