just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
