it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Boobs speak an international language.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
