btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Still dying that you shit outside
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's rum buckets o'clock
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
