There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
