I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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