Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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