i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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