I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
