um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
