if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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