Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
