Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
