Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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