Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
True college students do jello shots in the library
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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