Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A+ Viking dick
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
