How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize