also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
