ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
