There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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