whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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