Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
