My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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