all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
