She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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