Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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