Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
