This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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