Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
