If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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