Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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