I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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