we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
