why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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