Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
