I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
