Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
