And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
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I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize