took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
