everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
