You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
