I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
