My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
