I'm lost and stupid without you.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
