it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
