how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
two words...techno handjob
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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