please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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