Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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