Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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