She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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