Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
