It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize