Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
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Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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