I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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