and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
