I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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