There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
