Where did you get a picture of my penis
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
