There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize