Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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