absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
