Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
