The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
