I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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