I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
