I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
