You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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