whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
