i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
