I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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