Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
