Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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