I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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