I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
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