Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
